Time & Place (and FREEDOM!)

Well, hello there! If you’ve stopped by this little corner of the internet since Ash Wednesday and found nothing but digital dust bunnies, my apologies. The truth is, I’ve been pouring every last drop of my energy into my project, Labor Pains. It has been a profoundly rewarding and utterly exhausting endeavor. But don’t for a second think the squad and I haven’t been out here making magic. We’ve been doing amazing things; I just haven’t been posting them.

There’s another, more intentional, reason for my radio silence. As my babies grow, so does my consciousness about their online exposure. To this day, they’ve had little to no say in the images and stories I’ve shared. More and more, I feel compelled to let them decide what the world sees.

It’s a fascinating transition, especially with their wildly different personalities. My youngest, AJ, is a bona fide shy guy. If we’re in a crowd, his preferred location is tucked directly under me. (Sigh. We’re working on it.) His twin sister, JJ, and big brother, EJ, however, are full-on divas. They are always ready for their close-up, and the camera loves them right back. Both have grand plans for their own YouTube channels and possess a list of content ideas that could stretch for days. I can’t keep up, and I absolutely love it.

Now, for the headline news: This summer—for the first time since becoming a parent ten years ago—my children have childcare for THE ENTIRE SUMMER. Yes, you read that correctly. And this month, I don’t even have physical custody of any of them. They are all off living their best summer lives with family, which allows me to focus on research and facilitate the In My Skin workshops here in Albany as part of the Labor Pains project. You better believe I fully intend to live my best summer life, too.

My solo journey kicked off with a cross-country flight alongside my five-year-old tyrants—I mean, toddlers. AJ and JJ, bless their hearts, could typically care less about noise etiquette. And yet, I was thoroughly impressed. Sure, I had to repeatedly whisper, “Let’s bring our voices down,” or, “Remember why we can’t touch that.” But I never once had to raise my voice. They actually stopped the behavior when I reminded them why we don’t do certain things in certain settings.

This has officially become the theme of our summer: Time and Place.

I am passionate about encouraging my children to express themselves fully and authentically, always. But I am equally passionate about teaching them to read the room—to respect the time and the place. It’s a lesson that can mean the difference between progress and stagnation, a productive conversation or an avoidable consequence.

For anyone else navigating the friendly skies with your crew this summer, here are a few tips from the trenches:

• The Backpack is Law. If they are old enough to have a backpack, they are old enough to carry a backpack. This is non-negotiable. It’s a fantastic way to teach them to keep track of their own belongings while freeing up your hands. Delegating the role of “Chief Snack Officer” to them is a major key. You have enough to pay attention to!
• Role-Play Before You Go. I’m stealing this directly from Bluey. Grab some chairs, a few props, and act out the entire airport process in your living room. Not only is it a good time, but it is also a phenomenal way to prepare them for the inevitable “hurry-up-and-wait” marathon that is modern air travel.
• You Are Judged Less Than You Think. (And Even If You Are, Who Cares?) My anxiety can skyrocket in public for a multitude of reasons—respectability politics, social anxiety, situational frustration… the list goes on. I can feel the judging eyes on me. On our second flight, I was certain we were annoying the woman across the aisle. Even though I thought the twins were doing great, five-year-olds have literal split-second outbursts (seriously, have you ever watched Bluey?) before returning to a state of calm. It can be jarring for folks not around small children. But as we deboarded, she laughed and smiled right at us. “Kudos to you for doing it solo,” she said. “I’d never have flown alone with my five, but I am well aware of the noise ratio.

She got it.

Traveling with children is hard, no matter how well you pack and prepare. You’re managing emotionally unregulated humans in a stressful situation. The result will be, well, stress. So, my best advice is to laugh at the things you desperately want to freak out about. Because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we’re together. And that’s everything.