A.F.R.O. Parenting: A is for Active Brains

It’s 10 PM on a Monday in Oakland, and my daughter is making one last desperate plea for a bedtime story. Meanwhile, I’m furiously typing, trying to trap a complete thought before it vanishes into the ether of tomorrow’s to-do list. This is the daily tug-of-war. One part of me, the antihero, wants to just give in, put on the audiobook, and scroll into oblivion. But then she shows up: MetaCocoMom.

MetaCocoMom is my personal superhero, the one I created to combat my own villainy. I love and hate her. She’s diligent, almost militant, and she’s constantly pushing me to be a better human. She’s the one whispering, “Is that screen time really necessary?” or “Maybe we should talk about her big feelings instead of shutting them down.” She is exhausting, and she is always right.This internal dialogue, this wrestling match in my mind, is actually the first pillar of my AFRO parenting framework: A is for Active Brains. It’s metacognition—the practice of thinking about how we think. It’s MetaCocoMom grabbing the steering wheel when my antihero self is about to drive us straight into a ditch.

The “Why”: A Mission-Driven Family

My antihero has a long backstory. In my family, emotional regulation meant emotional suppression, so I learned early that my own thoughts weren’t the “right” ones. It took a lot of work to unlearn that. The work MetaCocoMom does now is guided by our family’s foundational values, which I call E3: Express, Explore, and Empower. We are building an environment where every single one of us can express ourselves openly and honestly, explore the things we are curious about without judgment, and empower each other to do challenging things.

Books like The Whole-Brain Child, Parenting from the Inside Out, and The Garden Within were my entry points. Then, Social Justice Parenting brought it all home by suggesting we write out a family roadmap. Think about it—the best nonprofits are effective because their mission is crystal clear and every action aligns with it. Our families deserve that same level of intention. When we get clear about our mission—as individuals and as a family—it becomes so much easier to make decisions that align with our values. Constant reading helps us stay informed on best practices, new ideas, and old theories being challenged. As the world shifts, it’s on us as adults to stay aware so we can navigate our families toward joy and security.

The “How”: Shared Labor and Daily Practice

This brings me to the second connection: this work is labor. It’s a core part of my Labor Pains Project, which examines the full scope of Black women’s labor. In a two-parent household, this emotional and intellectual labor must be shared. I know the dynamic well: one parent does all the reading and research, and the other just wants the cliff notes. We have to push back on that. For our family mission to work, everyone has to be on board the ship, not just waiting for directions from the captain.

When I say “family reading,” I mean the whole family is reading. No, we don’t all have to read the same book—the goal is to develop individual, passionate readers. As readers mature, or even before, the habit is what matters. It’s about setting aside dedicated time where everyone—parents included—has a book in front of them instead of a screen.

It doesn’t have to be for long. It just needs to be daily.Yes, I said daily. 🗓️

Finding Your 15 Minutes

I know what you’re thinking. “Daily? MetaCocoMom, be serious. When?!” I hear you. The day is already overflowing. But the magic isn’t in finding a new hour; it’s in capturing the hidden minutes. Here are a few moments we’ve captured in our home:

• The Morning Mindset. During that little bit of downtime before everyone rushes out the door, or even by waking up 15 minutes early. Gather some water or tea and start with a devotional. This doesn’t have to be religious; it can be an empowering quote, a short article, or an idea. (You can literally ask any AI, “Give me an empowering thought for the day for a Black family.”) Spend 10-15 minutes reading, thinking, and talking about it together.
• The Bedtime Wind-Down. We all know turning off screens an hour before bed helps kids sleep, but the reality of taking away the tablet is often a loud, antsy kid. I get it. As an alternative to the chaos, rearrange your bedtime routine to include 15 minutes of quiet reading. The screens can go off a little earlier, replaced by a calmer habit that helps the brain settle. Some libraries even offer bedtime storytimes where you can bring young ones in their PJs—a fun incentive for little ones!
• The Dinnertime De-escalation. This is a go-to in my house. I have the JSquad read while I am cooking dinner. It reins in their pre-dinner, wild-child energy and builds a consistent literacy habit. And whenever I’m not actively at the stove, I sit down with an article or my own book. They see me do it, and it normalizes reading as a simple, everyday part of life for everyone.