When I developed A.F.R.O. Parenting for MetaCocoMom, I knew “O” for Opportunities would be crucial. In our framework, an opportunity isn’t just a chance to learn something new; it’s the chance to apply new knowledge—to Express, Explore, or be Empowered (what I call E3) in a real, tangible way.
This week, our family book club provided an opportunity that was more complex and more empowering than any I could have planned.
If I’m being honest, this is our third attempt at a family book club. We first tried The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe—a favorite for both my wife and me. But reading it with our son, EJ, it just wasn’t holding his interest. Worse, trying to manage the twins during the reading sessions became pure torture. After a few weeks of struggle, we just stopped.
When the school year started, we vowed to do better.
My wife and I are huge Harry Potter fans and have been waiting for EJ to be old enough. We decided the time was right, checked for interest (and there was), and set the rules: one chapter a day, with a family reading session on Sunday.
Last night, we finished the first chapter of Chamber of Secrets. This is when the real moment arrived.
I told EJ about the recent controversy with the author, J.K. Rowling. I shared that she has made statements that are disrespectful and unkind to some people, specifically transgender people.
He immediately asked, “What is transgender?”
This is it, right? The moment you have to define a complex human identity on the spot. The best definition I could come up with was: “Sometimes a person doesn’t feel they were born the way they feel inside. Sometimes they decide to dress, or get surgery, or take hormones to make their outside feel more like their inside.”
He accepted that; it made sense to him. So, I moved to the next step. The empowerment.
”How do you feel about reading this author’s work?” I asked him. “Do you want to continue with the story, or would you like to stop so that we are not supporting her work?
He thought about it for a moment and said, “I want to continue reading it. I like the story.”
This is when my wife added the crucial context—the action that models conscious consumption. She confirmed that we also love the story, but we didn’t want to financially contribute to the author’s wealth.
That, she explained, is why she drove all around Oakland last week, hunting down enough copies of the books from various public library branches, and why she downloaded the audiobook from the library. We made a conscious choice to separate the art we enjoy from the financial support of the artist.
This single interaction is “O for Opportunity” for two key reasons:
- The Opportunity for Real Input.This was an opportunity to give our child decision-making power in a real family decision, not just a manufactured choice between burgers and pizza. We presented the conflict and the variables, and then we honored his agency in the outcome. Giving our children power over decisions that genuinely impact them is empowering, period.
- The Opportunity for E3 (Express, Explore, Empower).This conversation is precisely what the E3 framework is built for. We gave EJ the opportunity to Explore a word (“transgender”) that I know he hears in the world, giving him the space to mull it over and ask questions in a safe environment. We gave him the space to Express his desire. And we Empowered him to make the final call on our family’s action, while modeling how to hold two conflicting ideas at once: we can enjoy this story while refusing to support the parts of its creator we don’t agree with.
The “O” in AFRO parenting is about creating and seizing these moments. It’s about finding the chances for our young people to Express, Explore, and be Empowered.
Having conversations like this has come with increased independence and responsibility for him. We have definitely reached the stage of adolescent growing pains. But seeing him process the world with thought and confidence, I’m hopeful.
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