Why Our Boys Must Learn to Protect Women
In a November 1939 meeting of the Phyllis Wheatley Club in Oakland, clubwoman Tarea Hall Pittman reported that the principal at Berkeley High was having a serious problem with the “negro boys.”
Eighty-six years later, that “problem” has metastasized. It’s found a superhighway through the internet, and it’s being piped directly into our sons’ minds. The challenge for us as mothers isn’t just new; it’s more urgent than ever.
I saw it in my own home just last week. My ten-year-old son and I were watching reels when a video of pundit Charlie Kirk popped up, complaining about too many women teachers. To my absolute horror, my son was nodding his head in agreement.
My blood went from ice-cold to boiling in a nanosecond.
“Do you believe women and girls should take orders from men?” I demanded.
“Of course not,” he said, looking confused.
“This man,” I said, my voice shaking with rage, “is saying that men should be in charge of women. Do you think you should be telling me and your sister what to do?”
He looked terrified as he mumbled “no.” I’m pretty sure he could see steam coming out of my ears. My immediate reaction was fury. But later, after I calmed down, I had to ask the harder question: how could he not be seduced by that message? To be told you are at the top of the food chain, that the world should bend to your will, is an intoxicating lie for a young boy.
The Rot at the Top
I’ve spent so much time fortifying my daughter against misogyny that I missed the insidious ways misogynoir (the specific intersection of misogyny and racism directed at Black women) was being packaged as “empowerment” for my son. This isn’t just about online influencers. This rot goes all the way to the top.
If you want to see the state of misogyny in America right now, look no further than the global fallout from the Jeffrey Epstein case. This is the ultimate test, and America is failing spectacularly.
In the United Kingdom, when Prince Andrew’s deep connections to Epstein were exposed, there were tangible consequences. He was stripped of his royal patronages and military titles. Even his ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, was recently removed from the board of a brain tumor charity due to her ties to the disgraced prince. The message, while imperfect, was clear: association with someone who preys on women and girls will cost you.
Now, look at America. Donald Trump’s long, documented, and frankly disturbing relationship with Epstein is met with a collective cultural shrug. It’s treated as a political inconvenience, a footnote to be swept under the rug by a media more interested in the horse race than in basic human decency.
The silence is deafening, and it sends a clear message to our sons: a powerful man’s reputation is more valuable than the safety of countless women and girls.
This isn’t just a lack of respect; it’s a systemic, nationwide refusal to protect women. This is why our work as mothers has to be different now. Our leaders have failed the test. The culture is failing the test. It is no longer enough to teach our sons to simply “respect” women. We must explicitly teach them that their role is to be protectors and defenders of women. They must be taught to see this rot and actively fight against it, because every other signal they receive tells them to ignore it, or worse, participate in it.
From Problem to Plan
Luckily, our boys have a conscience we can appeal to. The day after the Charlie Kirk incident, my son came home from school talking about Afghanistan and how women there must be escorted by a man to even leave home.
My wife asked him, “How do you feel about that?”
“That’s not good at all,” he said instantly. A real conversation followed about freedom, fairness, and control. It proved to me that his internal compass for justice is there. It just needs to be calibrated to see the injustices happening right here, right now.
Our family is about to finish Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, but we’re making a change of plans. We’re starting Marjane Satrapi’s graphic novel, Persepolis. It’s the perfect tool to discuss what happens when a society decides its women and girls are not worth protecting. It’s a way to discuss revolution, identity, and patriarchy on terms he can grasp.
This is an all-hands-on-deck moment. We are in a battle for the hearts and minds of our sons.
If you are a mother of an adolescent Black boy and this feels as urgent to you as it does to me, then let’s do something about it. I am launching a free online book club for us and our sons to read books like Persepolis together. This will be our space to learn how to actively fight the toxic messaging that America promotes to exploit and endanger us all.
Let’s build the protectors we need. Let’s start now. Sign up for our Persepolis book club today!
Leave a Reply