Five Intentions for the Season

Balancing Holiday Magic with the Heavy Lift of “Mom Labor”

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For the past five years, the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year has been a blur—a massive buildup of twin birthdays and Christmas chaos. But this year is different. This is our first married holiday season. Because we are currently building the foundation of our rituals and traditions for our marriage and our family, my wife and I decided we need to be intentional.

We realized we couldn’t just haphazardly grab at whatever traditions were available to us. We wanted to curate a season that reflects us. So, even though it is already December 2nd (and yes, I know I’m starting a bit late in the game!), we sat down and committed to five specific intentions for this holiday season:

1. Intentional Advent: We want to ground the season in our faith. This means intentionally reading Biblical scripture daily, alongside a Disney Advent calendar book we bought for the kids.
2. The Twins’ Birthday: We are committed to celebrating the twins on their actual day, ensuring it feels distinct and separate from the general holiday noise.
3. A Meaningful Christmas Eve: We’ve decided that every Christmas, we will commit to attending an ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) service.
4. Incorporating Kwanzaa: We want to honor Kwanzaa as part of our family rhythm, using it to teach and demonstrate the Nguzo Saba (Seven Principles).
5. Ringing in the New Year: We want to prioritize time together as a whole family to bring in the New Year, but also carve out specific time just for us as a couple.

The Invisible Weight of “Mom Labor”

Looking at that list of five intentions, I have to be honest: That is a lot of labor.

When we talk about “making memories,” we are often talking about unpaid, absolutely necessary, logistical work.

• Advent isn’t just “reading”; it’s researching the scripture for the day and managing the schedule.
• The Birthdays mean I’m in charge of the party planning (Chuck E. Cheese reservations, game cards, and all that jazz) while my wife manages the presents.
• Christmas Eve requires exploration to find the right ELCA church that fits our family’s vibe.
• New Year’s involves the heavy lifting of childcare logistics, budgeting, and planning.

And then there is Kwanzaa. My wife wasn’t necessarily sold on the concept initially, which means I am the one instituting it. That places the workload on me to create spaces for experimentation and exploration—to find ways for us to honor, discuss, and demonstrate the seven principles each day.

Does Art Inspire Life, or Does Life Inspire Art?

This is where my work as an artist and my life as a mother collide. I’ve been working on a spoken word poem titled “Unsold” for the Black Cultural Zone Kwanzaa Holiday Mixer this Saturday. The poem explores how holidays in America are often packaged and sold to us, celebrating consumerism rather than connection.

In researching the history of Kwanzaa for the poem, I found a beautiful way to integrate my work on the Labor Pains project, MetaCocoMom, and AFROXpress. Because there is so much history in the poem, I’ve even created two zines for the event so people can learn about the Black women and the principles referenced in the performance.

Writing that poem is actually what inspired me to get serious about our family’s holiday plans. I want to support my wife so she doesn’t feel like she is carrying the load alone, but I also need to support myself. I need to ensure I am healthy, rested, and feeling like a meaningful part of the family unit—not just a logistics manager.

I love the holiday season. I love Advent. But I do not love the American capitalism and consumerism that tries to hijack it. Kwanzaa offers us a counter-hegemonic, counter-cultural way to end the year, and that feels vital for my children and me.

Join the Journey

I know it’s December, and usually, this planning happens earlier. Hopefully, in 2026, I’ll be ahead of the curve! But for now, I am looking at my calendar, figuring out a schedule that honors these five intentions without burning us out.

Moms carry a lot on their backs this season. If you are feeling the weight of the “magic making,” know that you aren’t alone.

I hope you stay along for this journey. Make sure you are subscribed to the MetaCocoMom blog and the new AFROXpress podcast (which just dropped!). Let’s build rituals that matter, not just ones we bought at the store.

Enjoy the season,

Jae